Last week I stepped foot in an abortion clinic and got an IUD inserted, otherwise known as an Intrauterine Device . I was originally suppose to have it done at Planned Parenthood but in mid-stirrups, the doctor entered the room with a look that could only be described as disappointment. A face you don't want to see after you've taken a crap ton of STD tests. She opened her mouth and my anus clenched “We’re out of Mirena but we have Liletta which is the same thing it just last for three years”. My heart sank in relief but then again in frustration, “I needed something to outlast Trump, that had been the whole reason behind me coming here in the first place.” I had to make moves. I had taken a day off of work in order to account for recovery time and I didn't know when my next day off was going to be. She said “ You can try and abortion clinic.”
I called the clinic and they we’re more than ready to take me. The woman on the other line warned me “Today is surgery day so be prepared to wait.” I got some coffee and snacks put my backpack on and was ready for my abortion clinic field trip! After much waiting peppered with STD tests, I got to a room where several surgery patients were waiting in blue robes. Everyone was avoiding eye contact with everyone and I had in my mind created stories for each one of them. In the midst of my game of Why did she show up today a woman shouted across the room to another “How long have you been here?” She called back “Since Ten” it was two.
A nurse finally called my name and it was my turn, she led me back down the hall to a room that had an ultrasound machine and a poster on the wall that Mirena. My doctor entered and said “ You're getting Mirena, Questions?” I was struck by her boldness and slightly nervous to be put on the spot. I told her that I was nervous to get this procedure done to which she replied in what may have been the most assuring voice “There might be some cramping but that's just about it”
I spread my legs and she walked me through every step. “I have two fingers on your thigh” and slid them fingers in “healthy cervix” she exclaimed. She measured my cervix and said “now I'm going to wipe your cervix with this gel” she then inserted a long device in there. I couldn't see what she was doing down under but I felt a whooooole lot. The pain was so terrible for about thirty seconds and I just wanted to scream. It was awful the only thing I could compare it to was cramps but it was like a long knife hitting my cervix, causing some serious pain and I was just on the verge of crying when she said “Alright, all done”
Cut to a week later, I was at work and all the sudden I got these sharp pains in my lower abdomin, I ran to the employee locker room to get my Ibuprofen. I was on the ground in fetal position in the worst cramps of my life. Tears started streaming down my face. Can I just say, there is nothing worse than being in pussy related pain at work? Flash forward to a few weeks earlier when I shared an Uber with a guy who turned out to be a talent agent, as we drove by a Planned Parenthood I exclaimed “I'm getting an IUD there next week!” I was really excited about this IUD I also chugged a glass of red wine before I jumped in the car. I wanted to tell my boss but I knew I was gonna get that “Eww-you-have-a-vagina!” face so I told him that I got a procedure done and due to complications I have pain. He probably thought I had an abortion, oh well!
Today I was at an abortion clinic...again. Gosh...I keep going to abortion clinics! I could hear the doctor outside the door serenading the nurse with Marvin Gaye”I...I...I...I'm so in love with you” I knew I was in good hands. A woman with long grey hair, resembling a flower child from the seventies sauntered in and said “Well let's talk about your vagina for a minute” I was ready. I told her about the pain and she listened pensive she replied “Ok let's remove it then”. I told her I needed something that will outlast Trump.” In agreement she said “I can completely understand why you’d want that.” In that moment I realized that my IUD had been reactionary to Trump. Although I'd done all my homework on the process it was in rebellion. I didn't want to part with my IUD because I thought that, in and of itself was going to be my wall against Trump.
She walked me through putting her hands in my Vag and asked me about my last Pap smear.”I've never had one.” I murmured. “How old are you?” She said “Twenty five.” I cautiously replied. “Welp while we’re down there we may as well give you a Pap smear” I nodded my head and voila I got my pussy Pap’d. It hurt but it felt really great to know that I was taking control of my health. She removed the IUD and prescribed me birth control.
Now here's the thing,I like many other women of color freaked out when Trump got elected, not for me but for my future children and my fourteen year old brother who lives in a small town in Pennsylvania. I weeped for the fact that America has taken strides and yet my brother or my future son could be brutally murdered by police on the streets, left to die and nothing would happen to those at fault . I weeped because for the first time in history a bunch of my white friends realized what black people had known since the beginning of forever-America is flawed beyond measure. Slacktivism just won't cut it, I was pissed and wanted to do something to take back control and realized in doing so, that I don't have control of very much at all. What I do I have control over is how many times I log in to Facebook, or Instagram. I choose what I let in, in fact today I voted for Wendy Carrillo for congress, I have control over that. This post is a reminder the Trump won't win my fear, not in my America. So today I got a Pap smear, I voted and season 2 of Bubble Gum has been released on Netflix, it was pretty feminist day and I'm ok with having control of just that.